Wednesday, May 14, 2008



After a great game in Vancouver, we returned to Pittsburgh until
the guys had to go to Philadelphia on the eleventh.
I couldn't come, because the kids had a game that night.. One
which we won.
I came home and watched Sid's game that I'd DVRed and was
They lost 8-2, and the game was fights galore.
Sidney wasn't even on the ice for the last six minutes.
The Flyers played well, and it just wasn't the guys' night.
I guess I fell asleep on the couch waiting for Sidney to come
home, and when he did..
Oh gosh.

"Hey Sidney," I greeted groggily as soon as I heard the front
door open, then I looked at the clock.
Four am..
Hmm. He must've woken me up.
"Yeah, yeah.. Whatever," he grumbled.
"You're back late.. Traffic or something?"
"Uh, yeah. Something like that," he set his bag down near the
kitchen door, and I got up from the couch, walking over to wrap
my arms around his waist.
He jerked away, moving towards where I had just been
"Sidney.. what's wrong?"
"What's wrong with me?" he repeated, now facing me.
I gasped when I saw his pale face and bloodshot eyes.
"You're asking way too many annoying questions is what's
"Have you been drinking?" I asked, my voice cracking barely
above a whisper.
When Sidney didn't answer, I asked again in a louder, more
demanding voice, "I asked, have you been drinking?"
"Just a little," he admitted.
"Why would you do that?" I tried not to let him know I was
upset, but it clearly showed in my voice.

"You don't know what it's like.." he told me.
"What what's like?"
"All this pressure.. From my coaches, friends, team mates, fans..
Everyone wants me to be the best.. They all want the team to
be the best."
"You're right. I wouldn't," I mumbled.
"Yeah, cause you're just a girl who coaches a team of high
school boys," he snapped.
"That's right. I'm the coach of the best high school
hockey team in the country, and I used to be their
captain. I'm sorry I'm not some hot shot man like
you who has the privilege of playing in the NHL.
I'm sorry I don't know what it feels like to be the 'next
the great Sidney Crosby. Your life must really blow,
eh? You're living out your dream and getting paid to do it!
You've got a girlfriend who loves you like crazy, you get
to travel with your best friends, and have fun. Being you must
really suck," I finished.
He stared at me as if I'd just slapped him.
"Aubrie, I'm not in the mood right now."

"Well too bad. I'm sick and tired of being treated like I don't
matter! I don't care whether or not you and the team win or
lose! I hate it when you shut me out; it's like I don't even exist
after you lose a game! I can't take it anymore."
"Then why don't you just dump me and find someone better?" he
asked quickly.
"Because, Sidney. No matter what, I love you and only
you. I know you're stressed after rough nights, and I want to
help, but you won't let me!"
I stopped for a second and took a breath, "Why won't you let
me help you?"
"Because there's nothing you can do! Hugs and kisses don't
make everything disappear and neither does talking about it.
Practicing is the only thing that helps."
"Well you can't totally focus on a game when you've got all this
going on in the back of your mind, now can you?"
He shook his head, and I took a few steps towards him.
I tried to put my hand on his shoulder to offer some sort of
Wrong move.
I don't really know what happened next.
He must've pushed me harder than he meant to, and I stumbled
backwards, tripping and falling over the ottoman and landing on my

"Aubrie?" I heard as I just lay there on the ground, trying to
overcome the shock of Sidney actually being physical like that
towards me.
"Aubrie, are you ok?" he asked again, now kneeling next to
"Sidney, don't come near me," I told him, quickly getting up and
stumbling, falling into his outstretched arms.
"No! Let me go!" I yelped, and he immediately let go of me as
soon as he was standing.
"Just.. just get out of here!" I told him, then hurried to my room,
locking the door behind me.
I slid down the door, my back resting against it as I leaned my
head on my knees.
"Aubrie, open up!" I heard as Sidney knocked on the door.
"Please, open the door.. I didn't.. I didn't mean to hurt you, you
know that, right?"
"Sidney, just go home," I said, ignoring his pleas and waiting for
the silence before getting into bed and crying myself to

I woke up the next morning around 9:30, very groggy and
I could feel a small bruise forming on my back, and looked in
the mirror only to be reassured by the dark blue patch of
'It could've been worse..' I told myself.
I unlocked the door, opening it to see Sidney asleep, propped
up against the wall next to my door. I didn't want to wake him
up, or be there when he did, so I got ready, grabbed my stuff,
and went to the rink to clear my head.

I wasn't even on the ice for an hour when I suddenly felt
I drove home as quickly as I could, trying to fight the nauseous
feeling from overworking and over stressing myself.
I got inside the apartment and made a mad dash for the
bathroom, lifting up the toilet seat and heaving.
I flushed and wiped my mouth with some toilet paper, leaning
back against the cabinets.
"Bubbles?" I heard my best friend calling from the other
"Henry!" I smiled a little, then got that feeling again and rolled
back towards the toilet.
"What're you doing?" he asked once I'd finished.
"Not a whole lot.. Just becoming reacquainted with everything I've
eaten in the past two days.. How about you?" I glared.
"Are you alright?"
"I just don't feel that great.. Haven't been sleeping very much
lately. Too stressed," I groaned.
"I came home and found Sid asleep in the hall. What was that
all about?"
"He came home at four am, and we got in a fight. Then he
pushed me, and I just.. I tripped and fell over that stool thing."
"He hurt you?" Henry asked, totally shocked, so I began to explain.
"He didn't mean it.. I could tell he'd been drinking.. Sidney just didn't realize how much strength he was
"Thats bull, Bubbles. Don't make excuses for him."
"I know," I sighed, then explained about my weird exhaustion
from the rink.
"You two really need to work things out," Henry advised.
"Trust me.. I know."

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