Monday, May 12, 2008



Two weeks had gone by, and now there were only two more left in the season for Sidney and the Pens to go before Playoffs, which starts April 11th.
But I noticed that Sid was acting funny...
He seemed stiff and secretive, so I could only try to not jump to conclusions.
Henry told me that the only way I'd find out the truth is if I asked

So that night when Sidney came over after a practice, I sat on the couch as he sat at the other end, gently lifting his feet to rest on the coffee table.
"Sidney, can I ask you something?" I turned to face him.
"Sure, go ahead," he answered.
"Okay. Uh, I don't really know how to say this.."
His calm expression quickly turned to one of worry.
"What's wrong? I can tell you've been acting strange, and really distant lately.. Like you're hiding something," I finally said.
But tonight he looked worn out. Simply tired.
His eyes left mine, wandering down to look at his feet.
"You know you can tell me," I reminded him.
"I know, I'm not supposed to tell anyone outside the team though."
"Well, gee. Thanks," I huffed, glaring at the TV.
"I fractured my left foot a week ago."
"And you're still playing?!"
He nodded.
"But your foot is broken."
"Fractured," he corrected.
"Whatever, isn't playing on it gonna make it worse?"
"We're being really careful. Really, really careful." I shook my head, still not convinced.
"Then why didn't you tell me in the first place?"
"Everyone with the team wanted to keep in under wraps, because no one wants it to get to the press and have them make it a big deal."
"So you're basically saying that you don't trust me."
"What? No! We all said we wouldn't talk about it to anyone, and I wanted to keep my word," he defended.
"I don't know what to say. I guess I'm just upset that you wouldn't tell me if something like that happens to you. Don't you think I'd want to take care of you?"
"I didn't want you to worry. I even asked Mario for advice!"
"Oh, and like that's supposed to make it better? Mario said it was best if you didn't tell me? I just can't deal with this right now," I ran a hand through my hair.
I'm just so stressed out and tired from my four teams and coaching.. I had two league practices, and another with the boys today.
"Why? There's nothing to be stressed about."
"You're right. There's nothing," I shot without thinking, but realized it as a very shocked look hit his face.
"Fine," he muttered, glancing at the clock, "I need to go. Game tomorrow."
I didn't even say goodbye. I just watched him walk out the door.
"What did I just do?" I asked myself, not noticing the fact that I was crying sobbing.

Three days passed and my mood had only gotten worse. I spent my time in my room, moping and listening to music, ignoring any contact with anyone. I only left the apartment to go coach the boys, and they immediately knew something was up, so they made me spill.

"CB, come on. Tell us what's bugging you," Jared urged me as we all sat in the locker room.
"I think I broke up with Sidney by accident.."
"What?" they all asked.
"I don't know! We got into a fight that I totally instigated, and I took it too far."
"How long has it been since you saw him?" Casey asked.
"Almost four days."
"Has he called?"
I shook my head.
"I just really wish I could say sorry and try to take it back.. I've had a lot going on these past few weeks, and I'm just so tired."
"Oh yeah. You've been playing for like twelve teams, right?" Brett joked.
I glared at him, "Just four, and I only did it to keep myself busy while Sid was on road trips. But whatever. I don't care..."
"Oh yes you do," Jared shot, and I nodded.
The guys and I continued to talk until I couldn't stop yawning.
I went home, hoping to find Henry, but just an empty apartment greeted me.
A sudden feeling of loneliness washed over me, so I popped in Friends and grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked.

Two more days passed, and I found myself at my first Pens game in over a week.
I was wearing my brother's name and number tee, as I had my poster and sharpie, sitting in my regular seat.
As soon as Marc-Andre skated out, he spotted me. He shook his head frantically, pointing over to Sidney, then took his spot.
I tried to lay low and unnoticeable, but when I held that poster up for Marc after a whistle, Sid was staking nearby, then came to a complete stop, dropping his stick from the shock. Colby and Erik came over to him, snapping him back into the game.
But after that, his rhythm was just totally off, and it was all because of me.

After they won, I waited for my brother to finish dressing out, then met him outside the locker rooms. We walked around, then sat outside the arena.
"I shouldn't have come tonight," I told him.
"No, it's good to see you," he pulled me into a one armed hug.
"Yeah, but it completely threw Sidney off. It's all my fault."
"No, it's a good learning experience for him. He can't let his emotions get him during a game."
"But it hurts me knowing that I'm the reason. I didn't even mean to anyways."
"I know, he's been off all week anyways. He asked me why you were so upset with him."
"What did you say?"
"I told him the truth. How you've been nervous and unwilling to try and trust people after Nate died."
"You told him that?"
"Yeah, because it's true."
"I know.. I just hate to admit it. I really do have issues with it. But I honestly trust Sidney, and I miss him so much." I leaned my head onto Marc's shoulder and sighed.
"Ah shit!" I groaned, "I left my poster outside the locker room."
"Want me to come with you to get it?"
"Nah, you go home," I shook my head, getting up.
"Love you, Marc-Andre," I waved as I reentered Mellon.

Not many people were inside. Just the cleaning crew, a few players were eating, and then me. I quickly made my way down to the locker room, finding my poster just where I left it.
Since no one else was around, I went into the room, wanting to leave Sidney's jacket that he let me wear all the time.
There were lights on, but nobody was in there, so I walked back to where their lockers were, and looked for Sidney's.
As soon as I spotted it, I neatly hung the jacket and ripped off a bit of the poster to leave a note.

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